Canada Prix-View

By Red Bull Racing
June 18 2006

The first thing you need to get right is how to pronounce the name of the country that hosts this weekend’s grand prix: its Ceh Neh Deh. Go on, admit it, the first time you got in a cab at Dorval Airport, you got insulted by the driver for telling him not to bother trying to speak French, as you spoke perfect English.

Although even people from France have difficulty understanding the Quebecois locals, they themselves are adamant they are talking in French and they are very belligerent about it. The French belligerent? Hard to believe, until you learn that Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.

The Quebecois are fiercely proud of their French roots: there was an outcry in Montreal a few years back, when Jacques Villeneuve opened his restaurant and called it “Newtown” instead of “Villeneuve.” Nearly all the car number plates here sport the legend “Je me souviens” (I remember.) Widely regarded as being some arcane reference to the Frenchies getting one over on the Anglos, it actually comes from a line that says, “I remember I was born under the lily (meaning France) but grow under the rose.” (meaning England). Generally, living in Quebec is great as the rest of Canada just lets you get on with things, like taking bets with your friends as to which English-speaking neighbour will move out next. Sport is important here and the hockey team is made up of a lot of dangerous looking French guys who cannot skate and when it comes to health, all you have to know is that smoking is compulsory in this part of the country. Actually, the Montreal Canadiens ice hockey team has won the prestigious Stanley Cup more often than any other team. The last time was back in 1993 during the Canadian Grand Prix weekend. The whole city went mad and rioting and looting took place. Given that the city always goes mad in summer, because the warm weather only lasts a few weeks, at first the local police thought it was just normal behaviour, until they were woken up by the sound of bricks being thrown through shop windows. 
Sample conversation between two looters at the time:
“Wayne honey, just look at that lovely diamond bracelet. Can you get it for me?”
“Celine my love, what do you think I am? Made of bricks?”

Montreal is a great city, but not the greatest in Canada, as most people reckon the most beautiful place is Halifax in Nova Scotia, even though the whole town smells permanently of dead fish. The province of Quebec also has a great variety of scenery, with sea and mountains all within easy reach, unlike the province of Saskatchewan for example, which is so flat that if your dog runs away, you can watch him for hours. Currently, there is much debate in Saskatchewan about allowing polygamists to live there. With the main produce of this area being wheat, they could combine the two and men could roam the endless fields in Concubine Harvesters.

The Quebecois might get upset if you mistake them for Anglo Canadians, but their anger is nothing compared to the abuse you will get if you confuse a Canadian with an American. Indeed, the best way to discover the difference between a Canadian and an American is to tell the Canadian that there is no difference and then stand back quickly.

Joking aside, Canada is a wonderful country. Indeed, when God created Canada (other religions are available,) the angel Gabriel asked, “God, how come you have given this country so much beauty and so many wonderful creatures when other countries have far less. It does not seem very balanced.” To which God replied: “Don’t worry about balance. Just wait and see who I’ve given them as neighbours.”