Red Bull Racing Australia PrixView
By Ian Lockwood
March 20 2009
Red Bull Racing kick of the season in their inimitable style with "The All-Around-The-F1-World Guide to... Melbourne, with Mark Webber (and a lot of cliches)"
Melbourne: Capital of Victoria
Population: 3.2 million (ex. ’Roos)
Area: 7,280 square kilometres
Main language: Strine
Government:
Many Australians are republicans but most still swear allegiance to their queen, Kylie Minogue.
Music
The National Anthem (composed by Men At Work) is a tune called A Land Down Under which includes cultural references to ‘chundering’, (the Australian skill of getting rid of all that poisonous beer by being violently sick) and ‘Vegemite’ (a vegetable spread that is illegal on the grounds of bad taste in most civilized countries). Australian rock has recently seen a resurgence with the likes of Jet, The Vines and Wolfmother – but Queen Kylie still reigns supreme.
Mark’s tip for Seb: "Try listening to Kylie mate – she’s better than stars popular in Germany, like Scorpions or David Hasselhoff."
Sport and Leisure
Important Note: In Melbourne sport is not a leisure pursuit it’s a serious job, even if you’re just a spectator. Pulling a sickie if you’ve got your hands on tickets for the grand prix, the Australian Open or the Melbourne Cup is a right written into the Constitution. An additional day off to recover from a hangover is a given. Leisure often involves paddling out into treacherous seas before trying to get back to shore by standing on a narrow piece of fibreglass, hoping not to fall into shark-infested waters.
Mark’s tip for Seb: "Surfing mate. Give it a try. Nothing can go wrong… and, if you’ve got a spare year, I’ll explain the rules of cricket to you."
Food
Barbecuing is very popular, as the Australian male believes that cooking food outdoors on hot coal is a valuable contribution to housework, which is otherwise left to the wife. Aussie men are obsessed with barbecues; it’s a male bonding thing – all men stay down one end of the garden and the women at the other. Line you are most likely to hear men say: "I’m bloody good at barbecuing, but don’t ask me for any recipes, as that’s the woman’s job." Line you are least likely to hear men say: "I think those sausages need a touch more sage, don’t you?"
Mark’s tip for Seb: "It’s very important to grill food at a barbecue. No-one will ever come round to your place if you say: ‘Let’s go and boil sausages and cabbage in a big pan in the garden’."
Fashion
Australia has given the world strange stuff to put on its head and on its feet. The police hats look as though they’ve been flattened against a wall, which is handy if they ever want to sleep on-duty, while the all-time Aussie favourite, the hat-with-corks-hanging-off-the-brim-on-some-string are an endanged species after the Aussies invented the screwtop wine bottle. If the locals are bothered by flies, they just use what they call ‘The Aussie Wave’, which involves flapping your hand in front of your face.
Mark’s tip for Seb: "Thongs mate, you Europeans are crazy - you wear them on your feet, not on your bum."
Healthcare
Aussie medical care is great if you need treatment for snake bites, sand fly rash, shark bites, funnel web spider attack wounds, heat stroke or have crashed into a kangaroo on the Great Ocean Road. The average life expectancy for men is 79 years and for women it’s 84 years, providing, of course you never go into the Great Outdoors... or hit a kangaroo on the Great Ocean Road.
Mark’s tip for Seb: "This is a great city to have a broken leg fixed mate."
Culture, Education, Religion and Philosophy
In Australia, these concepts are best summed up in this joke:
Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce walking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?"
"Hunting flies"
"Killing any?"
"Yep, three males, two females,"
"How can you tell them apart?"
"Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
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________________________
Mark Webber - WINNER 2009 German Grand Prix!
Land Down Under is a great song, if only for the reason that it brings back one of my favourite childhood memories. That of us spanking the Yanks in the Americas Cup!
Way O/T but speaking of great music, did any Aussies see the Crowded House farewell concert on ABC2 last night? Dunno how many times I've seen it but still one of my faves. RIP Paul Hester.
Well done.
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Well done.
I had to look it up to see what it means. Still none the wiser.
Our best exponent of strine is undoubtedly James Reyne then?
">You, da-do be bop ??
...on Earth, as it is in Queensland
Quote:Strine - the language spoken by strayans.trollie
Main Language : Strine
Well done.
I had to look it up to see what it means. Still none the wiser.
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Quote:It's like when you're talking to a septic tank and he says, "Are you English?". You tell him,Flasheart
It's like when you're talking to a septic tank and he says, "Are you English?". You tell him, "No, I'm from Straya".
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2009:03:22:03:12:18 by Supersleeper.
Quote:Bonza.Jock 2009
Have a Captain Cook at you Flash me old china plate. Fair suck of the sav, when was the last time you told a septic tank that you were from 'Straya. If they ever hit me up about being a pom I tell em 'Don't come the raw prawn with me mate, I'm an Aussy!' Now I don't want to @#$%& in your pocket but but being a banana bender it's not like I have to go out the back o' Bourke to find a septic. Now I'm not having a spit o' the Dummy but fair dinkum mate "Straya" ? Fair go ya mug!
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Webber for pole in Melbourne!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2009:03:23:07:15:59 by Flasheart.
@ Flash, I look forward to your reply and I have little doubt that it will be worth the wait :-).
As for the actual topic of the thread...I've got nothing!
...on Earth, as it is in Queensland
Just hope I managed to edit my post before too many read it :/
Has the site been down most of the day or just me?